You Will Always Find Your Way Back Home Mp3 Download


  1. For all teenagers. 2010-03-31 07:01:37

    The writing in general is good but the story itself is being dragged out and is not exactly enjoyable. Too much fuss over a chocolate cake even if a thirteen year old girl would actually behave like that. In addition why would a chocolate cake cost more than a strawberry one? It doesn't sound right. It also needs editing and sentences such as;"Your Father will bring with him the cake" seem to be round the wrong way.
    The writing is not bad at all but you need to get to the action a bit quicker and stop hovering over what is a fairly trivial matter.
    If my daughter spoke to me the way your character speaks to her parents I would not be too pleased and there would be consequences. Good luck with the story.

  1. For all teenagers. 2010-03-31 06:49:06

    Its a good passage of writing I'll admit, and I can clearly see evidence of planning. Although after reading the first two paragraphs I could tell straight away that English is not your first language. I will help you in this aspect. For example, Fiona's mother said "Darling, please stop this noise. Be calm...". No offence intended, but a much more common word than "Be Calm" is simply "Relax".

    Also, “You must be thankful that we cared to make you a birthday in the first place. “ is not grammatically correct. Instead, try saying "You should be grateful we celebrate your birthday in the first place!".

    I have to say if I read this excerpt I would most likely buy it as a book, as I appreciate your use of Similes and Metaphors. Don't give up the writing, keep practicing and your writing will indeed get better. I'm a teenage author myself and I think this is good work. I'm a 15 year old guy so you know the opinion you're getting a first hand opinion from a target reader.

    -Dylan

  1. For all teenagers. 2010-03-31 15:38:32

    So good so far just make sure you stick to the same tense, at one point you switched to present tense. Also, try not to use the same phrases so close to each other i.e. "fiona decided to make it at home"...watch your grammar and your puctuation but otherwise good job. I think your story has great potential!